Sperm/Egg Banks, In Vitro Fertilization, and Other Related Topics

I must apologize for not having written anything of substance for so long. If you know me personally, you know the last few months have been particularly rough, and while I certainly had things I was thinking about, often they would inevitably find their way back to trying to conceive, and no one wants to hear me rant about that.

Fortunately, today's question is on a similar topic: "Do you know if the [LDS Church] has any sort of opinion/position on using and/or donating to sperm/egg banks?"

The answer, after some quick research, is yes! According to Handbook 2: Administering the Church, which, as I understand it, is a reference for bishops, stake presidents, etc. to use, the Church's policy can basically be summarized by the following short paragraph, found under the heading of "In Vitro Fertilization":

"The Church strongly discourages in vitro fertilization using semen from anyone but the husband or egg from anyone but the wife. However, this is a personal matter that ultimately must be left to the judgement of the husband and wife. Responsibility for the decision rests solely upon them."

A similar message can be found under the "Artificial Insemination" and "Semen Donation" headings, although the former adds:

"Artificial insemination of single sisters is not approved. Single sisters who deliberately refuse to follow the counsel of Church leaders in this matter are subject to Church discipline."

So there you go. Basically, the Church is opposed to sperm which is not the husband's and eggs which were not already in the wife. According to my research, if you're following the guideline of using your own sperm and eggs, the Church supports you in getting in vitro fertilization or artificial insemination.

That said, it's not altogether clear why using outside sperm or eggs is discouraged. They only mention that "responsibility for the decision rests solely upon [the parents.]" Perhaps there may be discontent when a husband feels left out because he is not the "true" father of the child, while the mother is (and vice-versa.) Perhaps the only way to know the quality of your "seed" is to have carried it around in your own body. It's hard to say.

However, the Church's position is fairly clear: use of your own sperm and eggs is strongly encouraged, while use of an outside party's reproductive material is discouraged.

While we're in this manual, I would also like to note the Church's policies on a couple of other, related topics:


Abortion:
This section in the manual is slightly longer than the others. It is very illuminating, however. Basically, it says there are three situations where abortion would be acceptable:

"1. Pregnancy resulted from forcible rape or incest.
 2. A competent physician determines that the life or health of the mother is in serious jeopardy.
 3. A competent physician determines that the fetus has severe defects that will not allow the baby to survive beyond birth."

It states, however, that "these exceptions do not justify abortion automatically. Abortion is a most serious matter and should be considered only after the persons responsible have consulted with their bishops and received divine confirmation through prayer."

My husband and I, had we chosen to abort, would have fallen into the third category, had we chosen to abort our daughter due to her birth defects. Abortion is such a touchy subject, and most people are either taught "Yes, it's okay" or "You'll be scorned if you do." It's really not that simple, even within the Church.


Birth Control:
"It is the privilege of married couples who are able to bear children to provide mortal bodies for the spirit children of God, whom they are then responsible to nurture and rear. The decision as to how many children to have and when to have them is extremely intimate and private and should be left between the couple and the Lord. Church members should not judge one another in this matter.

Married couples should also understand that sexual relations within marriage are divinely approved not only for the purpose of procreation, but also as a way of expressing love and strengthening emotional and spiritual bonds between husband and wife."

Surrogate Motherhood:
"The Church strongly discourages surrogate motherhood"

 Surgical Sterilization (Including Vasectomy):
"The Church strongly discourages surgical sterilization as an elective form of birth control. Surgical sterilization should be considered only if (1) medical conditions seriously jeopardize life or health or (2) birth defects or serious trauma have rendered a person mentally incompetent and not responsible for his or her actions. Such conditions must be determined by competent medical judgement and in accordance with law. Even then, the persons responsible for this decision should consult with each other and with their bishop and should receive divine confirmation of their decision through prayer."

There are quite a few other topics to explore, but I found these to be the most applicable. If you still have questions, I'd be glad to address them, or you can read the handbook for yourself on LDS.ORG. As I mentioned, the handbooks are meant to guide bishops in their duties. As such, they hold the "official" answers to many burning questions an individual might have about the Church. I encourage you to search them sometime. You might be surprised to see what's there!

Thanks for the question! It was refreshing to write again. Please don't hesitate to ask me some more!

Lora

Budgeting Tips

This was actually taken the day we moved to Missouri.
Since our car had no working heater, we purchased a few
Hot Hands and kept them in our hands and shoes the
whole ride. NOT fun.

My mother was the one who created our budget. At the time, the hubby and I had only been married a couple months. He was working a minimum-wage job and officiating, and I had been searching (unsuccessfully) for work in the area. We were "flying by the seat of our pants" as far as money goes. Don't get me wrong, we weren't spending willy-nilly, but keeping a mental tab isn't exactly the best way to make sure you stay out of debt. And we weren't.

Thing is, I'm the kind of person who likes to see things written-out. Want to make sure something gets done? Make me a list. Shopping trip? Make a list. Have a favor to ask? You'd better write it down, or I may unwittingly forget. So, while my mother was plugging in our bills and I saw our money draining down into oblivion and beyond, I went with it for a while. To this day, if you ask my mother about that experience, she will tell you she almost regretted putting together a budget for us because of what it did to me. As our money continued to burn into dust before my eyes and gaping holes begging for more money emerged, I tuned out altogether - not without a river of tears - and ended up having to go to sleep for a while and let the shock wear off.

She's there in the background - our '91 Honda.
(I don't know why I grabbed my brother-in-law's arm. I got in trouble for that - haa.
I'm also wearing my other BIL's hat.)

This may come as a surprise to you, but minimum wage isn't exactly great for supporting someone - not even a couple living in a TINY one-bedroom duplex. We did not live extravagantly. We slept on a second-hand mattress and box spring which sat on the floor, used second-hand furniture, and second-hand appliances (with the exception of our wedding gifts.) Our bathroom was so small we either had to sit on the toilet sideways or spread-eagle, and forget having two people in there at once. Our microwave sat on a thin fold-out table we received as a wedding gift (one of the best, by the way) because we had about 4 square feet of kitchen space, and couldn't fit the microwave on there if we hoped to be able to prepare anything at all. Oh, and don't get me started on our car - $600 off of craigslist, no air conditioning, questionable integrity.... 

That's not even mentioning the debt my darling sweetheart had gotten himself into before I knew him. Ugh.

We were happy in our modest surroundings, but didn't have enough money to keep them. Thankfully, we were alerted to a job opportunity in Missouri, and we soon moved down to take advantage of it with the help of my wonderful family. We ended up living with my mother for a few months, but that enabled us to buy a used car at a wonderful dealership (they do their own financing - email me for info!) after our car bit the dust. 

Since then, I have maintained and expanded our budget to fit our changing needs. Although our first introduction sent me into a coma, I am so very grateful to have it. I knew we weren't doing too well, I just didn't know how poorly we were doing. Having a budget sparked a desire for bigger, necessary changes, and has allowed an element of peace now that our bank account isn't gasping for air.

With that in mind, I wanted to offer a few budgeting tips I've come across, in the hopes that our experience can convince someone else to begin budgeting as well.

Found here.

1) Just do it. Budgeting may seem intimidating at first, but, once you get the hang of it, it's a piece of cake and can drastically improve your spending habits. There's no set way that you have to set up your budget. However, I am partial to using a spreadsheet where you use formulas to automatically calculate totals and subtract pending bills. Below are a couple of websites to help you along the way:

This website offers a few simple bullet points to help you determine what should be a part of your budget.

 website offers some great tips on how to improve your budget, and a couple of potential goals you might want to strive for once you're up and running. 

This link not only offers a ton of great advice for setting up your own budget, but they also have a couple links to pre-made Excel spreadsheets you can download to start your own budget! They also offer a few tips and goals in this link which you might want to aspire to once you're really up and running. From what I can see, that's a pretty neat website. I would recommend looking around a bit to see what gems you can glean. It looks like they even have free finance courses! Sweet!

Found here.

2) Don't be afraid to seek help. There are plenty of people willing to share their budgeting tips with you. If you have a friend or loved one who is particularly savvy about money, don't be afraid to ask them to share their personal tips. They might even be willing to help you overhaul your budget - a fresh pair of eyes is always beneficial.

Also, Pinterest is chocked full of budgeting tips. These include ways to save money while grocery shopping, better and more budget-friendly ways to make a certain meal, or even how to make your favorite furniture on the cheap. I challenge you to sign on, type "budget" into the search bar, and see what pops up. You'd be surprised. 

3) Keep accurate, updated records. Keeping an eye on your bank account and budget ensures they stay in-sync. It's a lot easier to deal with problems if you deal with them early-on. Additionally, it's a good idea to use a register. These typically come with your checks, or can be obtained at your bank. It's just a way to keep track of what you've spent, to whom, and when. 

For example, there are certain things I typically write checks for such as tithing. In our current ward, these typically come out of our account about a week after we hand them over. However, I've been in wards where several weeks go by without the check being withdrawn. It can be pretty upsetting to feel like you're on top of things when a lingering check suddenly comes out and messes with your plans. In my budget, I keep a couple separate rows for checks which have yet to clear, and they move over every week until they've cleared.

4) Be realistic in your planning. I know we're not the only family in the world who has to guess what we'll be getting in our check from week to week. Still, it just takes some attention to determine an average check and your typical spending habits.

With incoming money, it is a lot safer to plan for a smaller check than you think you'll be getting than it is to rely on money you may or may not end up with. Then when you do get a nicer check than expected, rejoice!... and save the excess. I'll get to that next.

With outgoing money (particularly bills which aren't a set amount each time) it's best to budget for a little bit extra unless you can be certain you will only spend a particular amount. 

You are doing yourself no favors if you estimate a higher income and lower expenditures unless they're actually going to happen. Try to keep to what you have budgeted, or you will have to re-adjust your figures.

5) Save, save, save. There's no such thing as "extra money" when you're on a budget - only opportunities to save. Even stray coins from cash purchases can add up quickly. Every time you put money you don't currently need away, you're ensuring money is there when you do need it, and those times will come - most often unbidden. Do you need to go to the movies every weekend? If you have extra money No. Watching a movie at home is often just as fun.

Found here.

That's not to say you should cut your social life down to nothing. Budget for it! If you don't have the money, don't spend it. If you have money but don't need to spend it, don't! Keep in mind that unexpected circumstances do arise, and you need to be ready for them. If you've spent all your money on frivolous desires, you won't be prepared when something truly important comes up.

I have often fallen prey to the idea that sales help me save money. However, this is untrue. First of all, if you don't have the money, you're not saving anything. Second of all, there's always something to save on. One week it's this, another week it's that. All those "savings" add up - and not in the way you want them to. Third, especially when it comes to groceries, don't buy more than you'll actually use before you can't use it anymore. I have learned not to buy more, say, sour cream than the hubby and I can use before it goes bad. Sure, the huge family size tub is "cheaper" ounce for ounce, but you're not saving any money if you're just going to have to rinse most of your purchase down the drain.

6) Don't give up. I didn't personally enjoy budgeting until I'd been doing it for a while (and let's be honest - having enough to meet our basic needs helped ease the pending insanity too.) Your budget can be your friend if you take care of it. If you mess up, don't throw the whole thing out. Just adjust your figures and move on. You'll get the hang of it.  

Found here.

Please realize that even people who budget carefully will make mistakes. That's life. You'll have expenses come up which you weren't anticipating, and they may set you back in your plans a bit. That's life. But you can move on from it, and your budget can help you with those plans.

The hubby and I don't have a lot of money, and most of the time things are very tight - but that doesn't mean we don't enjoy life. Our budget helps us know when we can afford to make necessary purchases, and helps us make important financial decisions. Start yours today, and I promise it will be a valuable tool in your financial arsenal.

Sincerely,

Lora.

Cats: The TRUTH (With Pictures!!)

I have a secret which will only really be a secret if you've never seen my Facebook page. I love cats. I'd rather spend the day with my cats than with children. Does that make me a terrible person? Maybe. For the record, this isn't me:

... although I did use eHarmony. (It didn't work. LDSPlanet did, though!!)

(Loyal followers might recall a similar post on another blog. Feel free to peruse that one too!)

I've had cats for as long as I can remember, wherever I lived. I believe the first cat in my life was named Dog (because that's how my family rolls), and it became clear that I was allergic to cats. I grew out of that allergy, fortunately, and have had cats whenever possible ever since then. (Other "clever" names have been Don Gato, Bob, The CUTE, and my Mom's cat is named "Cat.")

Years of experience have taught me one important thing: Cats can be your best friends if you treat them as such. Unfortunately, people tend to think cats are more like this:

In honor of my kitties reaching their first year of life, there are a couple myths I'd like to debunk with examples from my own babies. (You could also check out articles like this, and this.)

MYTH: All cats are the grumpy and difficult. I have had my current cats since they were only four weeks old (litter mates), and itty bitty. Even from that age, definite personalities emerge.

Penelope (or Pipps) has always been a loud-mouth who wanted to be close to me. She used to whine and whine until I would hold her close to me, where she would cuddle up and purr or sleep for hours.

Now, she remains the most vocal of my babies, even to the point that she greets me when I come home. This sweetheart also cuddles with me almost every night - sometimes right up against my face. She can be awfully stubborn, but she also makes me smile.

This is Killer, otherwise known as Bug. She has always been a sweetheart. When she was tiny, I noticed she doesn't meow like a regular cat. She chirps. She was always quieter and tends to be the shyest. She loved cuddles, and curling up on our bed to nap.

At a year old, she's still my little girl. She still cuddles with me, and still chirps like a happy bird. I enjoy how she is content to sit next to me and purr the day away. She was the most difficult to litter train (just as my mother and her soiled slacks) and tends to be the naughtiest now.

Panda is a little slow. We almost lost him after a bath one time after he started going into shock. For the first few months of his life, we weren't sure if he was capable of the slitty pupils typical of cats.

He is a mixture of needy and independent, and still very slow. He's the type of cat who would star in those videos where the cat tries to jump onto something but jumps short and falls on their face. And yes, he's a cutie and I love him.

MYTH: All cats hate water. Not so! In fact, I like to call Panda my shower buddy. Ever since he was big enough to climb up onto the edge of the tub, he has enjoyed sitting between my curtain and curtain liner while I shower, watching the water run down the plastic liner. Then, as soon as I shut off the water and push the curtain aside, he's in there playing in whatever water he can get his paws on. The same goes for Penelope and dripping faucets.

Of course, they don't enjoy being submerged in water, but all three of my fur-balls enjoy water in general. In fact, I'm considering getting a fountain for them to drink out of. It'll aerate the water and keep it moving, and I believe they'd enjoy it immensely (and I'd enjoy them not trying to drink out of the toilet.) 

MYTH: All cats prefer to be alone. This is not completely true. Cats are territorial. If you've ever had a cat and tried to introduce a "friend" you might have experienced some unexpected rivalry. Picture this from your cat's perspective, though: You're perfectly happy in your personal space, and your best friend - who is, of course, welcome in your personal space - decides to bring in some random other person. Not only is this person invading your space, but they've decided it's a good idea to spread their scent all over your things: your favorite toys, napping spots, even the window you like to gaze out of. What a nightmare! It's no wonder cats don't understand your intentions.

Because of this, you have three options:

1) Have only one cat. Although, who in their right mind can bear to have only one cat??

2) Introduce cats gently - Here's a link to Petfinder, where they talk about tips for introducing two cats. It is possible, it's just not always an easy process.

3) Pick litter mates or a couple of young babies to raise together - this way, they don't know any better than to accept the other cat as a normal part of their environment.

The truth is, cats are very social creatures. They enjoy company. I have a proverbial stack of pictures of my babies cuddling together in a heap. They groom and care for each other. They descend upon me, desperate for attention, when I arrive home after a day away. They are truly a part of our family. 

I thoroughly enjoy having cats. My sweeties are a year old now, and time has surely flown. We obtained my lovies, by the hubby's request, the day before we received our daughter's terminal diagnosis. We hadn't intended to have three cats, but they became a constant source of comfort and joy in a difficult time.

Cats can be grumpy, a lot of work, and impossibly stubborn, but, as long as you provide food, water, and a clean litter box, they will love you unconditionally. If you are able, I would definitely recommend inviting a cat or two into your life. Love them like the amazing creatures they are, and they will certainly bless your life!

Sincerely,

Lora.

Click here for a list of the "Top 10 Myths About Cat People" from Animal Planet, or here for a compilation of 50 adorable cats to improve your day!  

Oh, and this link is HILARIOUS. 

The pictures and videos in this post belong to their respective owners.

Stress/Time Management, Now with Bonus Tip!

A friend from high school, whom I will call Atlas, poses this question:

"What are some helpful stress and time management techniques for a person such as myself attempting to balance being a full-time college student, full-time employee, wife, friend and mommy to two cats and a puppy?"

First of all, Atlas, it's so sweet of you to assume I'd be good enough at stress and time management to be any kind of helpful. Ha! I kid, I kid. Often, I'm afraid, time and stress have an inverse relationship: a lack of time leads to more stress, and more stress leads to a lack of good time management. Then it's tougher-than-tough to claw your way out of either situation. What do you do?

*

Not that. Well, maybe that for a few minutes.

Whichever side you find yourself on, there is hope! Realizing this fact is the first step to climbing out of your stress/time nightmare. We all have our own particular stresses. My friends and readers know some of mine: trying to conceive, a rambunctious puppy, occasional familial stubbornness, money flow (or lack thereof), and the list goes on.

You, Atlas, seem to have quite a bit on your plate. However, that exact list of stresses has been handled before, and it will be again! Here's a couple tips just for you to help you tackle your particular list of stresses, and others which might come up.

1) It's okay to let things go every now and then. It's exhausting trying to be super mom/dad/friend/student/etc. Sometimes the best stress relief is simply only attending to what absolutely needs to be done, and that's it.

Does your puppy need to be out where he'll be getting into things and making you want to tear your hair out? No. In fact, some trainers suggest you kennel your puppy when you're not specifically paying attention to him. That way, he doesn't grow up thinking it's okay to run around chewing on things just because you're not always paying attention.

Do you have to stay up late doing things which may or may not really matter at the moment (such as watching a movie or listening to music?) No. Go to bed early. Even if you don't drift off right away, it's still relaxing to lay in bed and your body will definitely thank you in the morning.

2) Time can always be found. With seemingly-little time on your hands, looking at your day as "I need to do this, this, this,..." can be daunting. Take it a little at a time, and tackle small tasks whenever you have a window of opportunity - which might mean doing something while waiting to be able to finish something else. For example, tonight I threw dinner together (Bubble-Up Pizza - YUM), and, while it was baking, I tackled the dishes and tidied-up my kitchen. At the same time, Charles - ever the good husband - sat in the kitchen with me, talking about this or that, but sometimes simply listening to the music we had playing on my laptop.

Although I was getting a lot accomplished (cooking dinner, washing dishes, spending time with the hubby), I didn't feel overwhelmed because I wasn't trying to fit everything in separate time-slots. (Just make sure to set a timer or something if you're cooking, because it can be so easy to forget and burn your food!)

3) Multi-tasking isn't always best. During high school, I was in a car crash which left me with a concussion. Said concussion messed with my brain function at the time, and it hasn't been quite the same ever since. At the time, I had several large projects due, and seemingly no way to do them all. I had to learn that, although it's great to get a bunch of things done at the same time, multi-tasking isn't always the most efficient when you have important tasks to finish. I had to learn to focus on one project or paper at a time, or my work on all of them would be sub-standard. (I would like to point out that in my previous dishes and dinner scenario, I was technically only working on one thing at a time - I just wasn't waiting out the time for dinner to get done.)

At school, I found that, although I enjoyed listening to music while working, it often was more of a distraction than I had intended it to be. This is true for anything from music to videos, to Facebook (oh, I am so guilty of letting Facebook distract me! Please tell me I'm not the only one who instinctively goes there when getting on the computer.)

Some people are capable of doing multiple tasks successfully, but the truth is it's really better to focus all your attention on important tasks, especially if said tasks require serious brain-power.

4) Be consistent/Don't let things pile up. I dislike doing the dishes. It's not necessarily because it's hard, or it takes a lot of time - it's because I tend to let them pile up so when I do get around to them, they take f-o-r-e-v-e-r. The same goes for homework, other housework, even relationships. If you're consistently taking care of things while they're small, you won't have to worry about spending exorbitant amounts of time on one thing. Especially if you're still in the husband, wife, and no kids stage, dishes after dinner don't take very long, laundry doesn't pile up too terribly fast, and it doesn't take long to stop and say "hey, I love your face" every now and then.

Projects don't need to be finished all at once. Work on them a little at a time. If you have a research paper, instead of doing the research, writing, and editing it all the night before it's due (I know a lot of us are guilty of this), work on it when you have free time especially right after you receive the assignment. You will be a lot less stressed if you space out the work, and there's nothing better than getting to a deadline and knowing you've been finished for a week or two already. Plus, think of all the time you'll have free for other things!

5) Set aside specific special couple/rest time. From the beginning of our relationship, Charles has known how important it is to me that I get a significant amount of his attention (I'm needy - don't judge). Sometimes the best stress relief is just cuddling on the bed together (unless, of course, your partner is the cause of the stress.) Marriage is a wonderful institution where two people pledge to be there for each other through thick and thin. Don't let work, school, friends, or anything else weaken that relationship.

While at school, I found it particularly helpful to avoid any kind of work on Sundays. (I realize this is impossible for some people, but hear me out.) It was so wonderful getting to Sunday after a hectic week full of classes and social events to be able to have one day specifically for de-stressing. Since I was determined not to work on Sunday, it was basically a "rule" and I didn't feel obliged to attend to anything school-related. Sure, it meant I had to finish Monday's work Saturday night, but imagine the freedom of heading into a new week after having truly had a day to relax. No homework, no chores, just relaxation and peace. Even though I had cut down on my time available for doing work, I found the work still got done, and I was more relaxed throughout the week. Then I still had the next Sunday to look forward to. It was great!

I don't currently have any school obligations, but I still hold on to this rule. I have been doing my best to get at least a majority of the chores finished before Sunday rolls around. As any homemaker can tell you, it's great walking through your house and feeling like you don't have to do anything right away.

-------------------------------------------

I might end up adding more to this list as time passes, but I believe these are my current top five. I hope they help and please give your furry loves a squeeze for me!!

Readers: What are your favorite stress/time management tips and how have they helped you?

Sincerely,
Lora.

BONUS TIP: Write it down. Seriously - no matter what you're doing, write it down. I have tons of notebooks in which I write all kinds of things, from notes during church, to ideas during the day. Plus, my laptop has a handy "Notes" application which I use to record things I want to remember. Another thing about my concussion was it made things difficult to remember, and writing important things down helps a bunch.

When I was working, I had a notebook full of a bunch of notes from my supervisors. Of course, I kept them organized alphabetically based on topic, but that way I could keep track of everything I had been asked to do or keep in mind. (They loved that!) I also kept a pad of Post-It's nearby, in case I got sidetracked while in the middle of something. Once I finished whatever needed to be attended to, I had a note there to tell me where I was before!

Lists are great. It's a lot easier to accomplish everything you want to do if you know what it is you want to do! Additionally, it brings me great joy to cross something off of my list, even if it's a small task. (Speaking of which, don't be shy about writing small tasks down. They need to be completed too, and even if your list is comprised of small tasks, it still feels great to finish!)





*Picture from this site.

Come Listen to a Prophet's Voice

 

That pretty much sums it up. I promise you, even if you are not LDS, listening and/or watching General Conference with an open mind and heart will immensely bless your life. You will find answers to questions, discover peace in trials and find a joy you didn't realize you could have.

The men and women who will speak are lead by the head of the Church, our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. They have all the answers we need and are just all-around amazing people.

So give it a try! You can watch live from the comfort of your own home. You have nothing to lose! You won't regret it. Afterward, if you have questions, I would be THRILLED to address them.

Sincerely, Lora.

S.I.A.M. Animals in Heaven?

Unlike my darling hubby, I enjoy pondering. About what, you ask? Many things! One day, as I was pondering what heaven might be like, I thought:

"Are there animals in heaven?"

My answer is yes. Here's why.

1) Heaven is all about eternal happiness, and I love my fur-babies. I thoroughly enjoy laying in bed and having my cuddly little heaters cozy up next to me and turn on their purr-boxes. Heaven! Plus, my babies are gorgeous. I am in awe when I see sunbeams lighting up their fur, or view their ability to flip through the air like they've been training for the Olympics all their life. Heaven, to me, would not be complete if I couldn't enjoy these amazing creations. I feel I should include some photos for reference. Enjoy! More after the break.

Aren't they adorable?? I think so. Nay, I know so!

2) I don't know about you, but I believe the whole walking-on-clouds-flying-around-singing bit is not an accurate description of Heaven. I honestly believe Heaven is meant to be an improvement on life here, but not entirely different. Would someone with a passion for painting or photography be happy flying around singing all day? I dare say not. This isn't to say they wouldn't enjoy it for a while, but I can't believe all this hard work here on earth would lead to eternal singing. What would be the point of learning all these lessons and trying to make yourself better? Scientists would be miserable. Avid gardeners would yearn for the satisfaction of a fresh, perfectly plump tomato (because, of course, there would be plants there too!)

I submit that Heaven is more like earth on steroids. The good kind, that is. The scriptures say our bodies and minds will be quickened. I take this to mean, first of all, that we will be able to use our full brain capacity - that learning disabilities and other barriers to gaining knowledge or happiness, such as Dyslexia, ADD, Depression, Bi-Polar Disorder, etc. will be lifted and we can finally be free to pursue all kinds of experiences we never dreamed possible. Second of all, physical limitations will be no more. To someone who has never had use of their legs, I'm sure that will be heavenly enough. (But, for the record, I believe our new understandings of particles will help us do something much like flying. That's just me, though.)

Anyway, for someone like myself who has had and loved animals all their life, Heaven would not be heavenly without my little furballs. Now, I'd like to believe they wouldn't poop on my rug or claw my furniture in Heaven, but the most important thing is that they'd be there. They'd cuddle with me and demand my attention. They'd turn on their purr-boxes and let their happiness ring in my ears as I study the reality of particles, or teach someone about the Gospel. That's Heaven. I'm sure of it.

Sincerely,
Lora.

Poll the People: Packing Tips

Mme Black has posed another interesting question:

"Do you have any packing tips to make packing less of a headache?"

As this is a "Poll the People" post, I have collected input from real moving gurus! I feel this question has two different applicable scenarios: travel and moving. First, we'll tackle travel, since people typically do that more often than moving!

Travel:

The first, a friend from college who travels on a regular basis with her husband, offers some travel advice:

"Roll everything super tightly on a hard surface. That's how I packed a 14 day vacay to Europe into one [carry-on] with a good 5 extra outfits. And I can even get my hubby's [clothing] (10 days worth) into one [carry-on] also (his clothes are a tad bigger than mine lol). I've only had to check a bag once in my life and that was 'cause I had bought a pocket knife."

I have personally used this method before and love it! When you roll things, it seems like you get a much better, more compact, fit than when you put loosely-folded items in a pile. Plus, rolled clothing is much easier to sort through than folded clothing because it doesn't come apart as easily! You can also try rolling outfits together so it's one simple grab in your suitcase, as opposed to digging around for a particular top/bottom combination. I'm not entirely sure how she does it*, but I like to neatly fold my clothes, then roll them from there.

*UPDATE: My friend read this post, and sent me a little bonus post:  Woo! I've been waiting for this post to come! You asked how I roll my clothes? All I do is fold the clothing item once (hot dog way) tuck in anything hanging out (sleeves, ties, collars…) and grab a tiny bunch a fabric from the top and start rolling. The smaller the grab, the tighter/tinier your roll will be. Also, don't be afraid to use pressure when rolling. If I'm going to be wearing an undershirt with my top or a slip with a skirt I include them in the roll.

Sweet! Thanks!

The second, a former co-worker who routinely travels to serve mission trips, has this to say:

"When I go overseas on mission trips (2 wks) I put each day's clothing/needs in a 2 gallon ziplock bag. Just reach in the suitcase for a bag. No digging through everything. AND it keeps everything dry and bugs out!"

Great idea! This is especially useful if, like her, you travel to places where you don't have the luxury of a cushy hotel room. This would also work well for camping trips! I personally have also brought plastic bags for putting soiled clothing in, because I don't like the idea of having my dirty laundry mixed in with my clean laundry.

Do you have any packing tips specifically for travel which you'd like to share? Feel free to add them to the comments!

Moving:

As mentioned in my Qualifications post, I've moved a lot. However, throwing a bunch of stuff in a box in no particular order doesn't make me a professional.

1) Again from my former co-worker, I have this tip:

"I used cheap coffee filters to put between dishes. Cleaner than newspaper [and] cheaper than bubblewrap."

As soon as I read this, I was reminded of a tip I recently saw on Pinterest from The Frugal Girls: Packing your plates with foam disposable plates between them instead of wrapping them in icky newspaper! I love that!

(They add that you should "wrap and pad" the stack of plates after you put the foam plates in there.) I'm all about extra protection!) I think this would work for saucers too, if you got the saucer-sized foam plates.

2) I also like to hold onto the boxes things come in. That way, when you need to pack something up again you have the perfect-sized box and sometimes even some foam to hold your more expensive or fragile belongings in one place. 

3) You don't have to pack all at once! Unless you've been given an immediate eviction notice, you can pack whenever you have free time so it doesn't have to weigh down on you. I know I'm one of those people who feels like if something needs to be done it should be done all at once, then I get frustrated when I don't have the time or energy to do it all. Packing can be a huge process, so take it a bit at a time. Go room by room, or pack all of a certain thing. For example, you don't need every single dish in your kitchen. Go ahead and pack everything you won't use before you move, and you won't have to pack everything last-minute as your blood pressure spikes. When you do move, it's okay for your last couple boxes to be your needed-things boxes, and not necessarily sorted into rooms.

4) Listen to music! I get much more done when I have something like music to help pass the time.

That's all I can think of right now. What are some of your favorite moving tips?

Sincerely,
Lora.

Ruth - What's the Big Deal?

So, I got my bum in gear and read the whole book of Ruth last night for this question from Anonymous:

"Why is Ruth from the Bible so admired?  I hear about what an example she is of selflessness. I read her story and I just don't get it."

First of all, without even reading, I came up with this answer: Women are so rarely mentioned in the scriptures, that I think people tend to idealize them when they do finally appear, no matter how small their role. (This isn't to say I think they're regarded as unimportant, necessarily, that's just how things were.)

The Bible Dictionary explains her significance this way: "The story of Ruth beautifully illustrates the conversion of a non-Israelite into the fold of Israel, giving up her former god and former life to unite with the household of faith in the service if the God of Israel." I feel that some of this information is implied, rather than expressly stated in the text, so I will answer based on what I gleaned from my reading.

Although I can't honestly say reading the book of Ruth really changed my mind much on the fact that people get excited when a woman shows up in the scriptures, I have two main insights to offer:

First, Ruth was fiercely loyal. After the passing of both her husband and brother-in-law, her mother-in-law, Naomi, basically tells her and her sister-in-law that she has nothing more to offer them and they should return to their parents' homes. I'll share a couple verses I like:

"11) And Naomi said, Turn again, my daughters: why will ye go with me? are there yet any more sons in my womb, that they may be your husbands?
12) Turn again, my daughters, go your way; for I am too old to have an husband. If I should say, I have hope, if I should have an husband also to night, and should also bear sons;
13) Would ye tarry for them till they were grown? would ye stay for them from having husbands? nay, my daughters; for it grieveth me much for your sakes that the hand of the Lord is gone out against me."

It always makes me chuckle when I find little gems like this in the scriptures. It's so great to be able to detect a definite voice from what the people within them say, especially if this voice is sarcastic like Naomi's! I mean, can you imagine if you lost your husband and your mother-in-law was like "I'm sorry - I have no way to make you another husband, and would you really want to wait for him to grow up anyway?" Ha! Maybe it's just me.

Moving on. Orpah, Ruth's sister-in-law, decides to go back to be with her family. However, Ruth says:

"16) ... Intreat me not to leave thee, or to return from following after thee: for whither though goest, I will go; and where thou lodgest, I will lodge: thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God:
17) Where thou diest, will I die, there will I be buried: the Lord do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me."

I've heard these verses before, and I'm sure many of you have too even if you've never specifically heard about Ruth. If you think about it, it was pretty noble of her to stay with her mother-in-law, when her mother-in-law really had nothing to offer her. At that point, Ruth had no prospects and no reason to think she might have them in the future. Things would have seemed pretty hopeless if I were in that situation, and I personally would probably have gone back to my mother's house, like Orpah did, because I have a very close relationship with her. But hey, that's just me.

After being adamant about staying with Naomi, they traveled to Bethlehem, where Naomi's husband was from. Ruth, ever the devoted daughter-in-law, began gleaning corn in "the field" to help provide for her and Naomi. Eventually, Ruth ends up in the part of said field owned by a relative by the name of Boaz. Ruth catches his eye, they realize they're "kinsman," and it goes from there.

As it turns out, the closest male relative has the first say to their family member's widow, lands, and such, as stated in Matthew 22:24. ("If a man die, having no children, his brother shall marry his wife, and raise up seed unto his brother." - I guess that's so everyone gets taken care of, as a woman in those days wouldn't have a great chance of making it on her own.) This is why Boaz ends up calling that meeting with the first closest relative, since he was so taken by Ruth's virtuousness, but was only the second in line - and since the first closest didn't want to take Ruth as his responsibility, Boaz got to have her.

But none of this is anything you couldn't have read on your own. My point is, Ruth worked very hard to provide and be faithful to her mother-in-law, to the point that she was known around Bethlehem for how virtuous she was. She further displayed this devotion by laying at Boaz's feet, as instructed by Naomi, to show she was willing to become his wife, as was the tradition.

Second, Ruth is an ancestor of Jesus Christ, which is quite possibly another reason why she is of particular note. Of course, there are a few generations between them, but an ancestor is an ancestor no matter how far back they go.

To sum up, Ruth - a woman - was fiercely devoted, and an ancestor of Christ. I hope that sufficiently answers your question!

Sincerely,
Lora.

Favorite Simple Recipes

I have a few questions from someone I will refer to as Madame Black (no relation to Sirius, sorry. He's alive, by the way.) Our first question from the lovely Mme Black is:

"What are some of your favorite, easy to make, few ingredient dinners/desserts?"

Great question! Like many people in the last year or two, I have a sincere appreciation of the bookmarking website, Pinterest.

*** Ahh!! I just got distracted by Pinterest's charms! Check out this awesome giveaway I just found! ***

That's how Pinterest works. Anywho, I have quite a few boards devoted just to food. (Don't judge me!) I'd have to say one of my all-time favorite dinner recipes would be these Oven Baked Chimichangas I found on Tasty Kitchen. I've personally modified the recipe so I can throw everything into a slow-cooker and forget about it for a while, and they end up DIVINE, plus I like how I end up with shredded chicken instead of ground. I also like to save some of the meat and make quesadillas the next day. Mmm. However, I think they're probably a little more ingredient-heavy than you had in mind. A simpler recipe would be these Baked Tacos from the blog One Good Thing by Jillee (which I would recommend checking out if you have the time.) She even includes a method of making your own shells from corn tortillas! Sweet, right?? Oh, and I definitely recommend using green salsa, preferably Herdez brand, on your tacos. It's legit.

Since I seem to be giving all Mexican-type food, I'll throw in one more recipe I like. These Skinny Tuna Melts from Skinnytaste.com are great too. They put in a bunch of superfluous ingredients - I really think you could add whatever you usually enjoy in your tuna and get away fat fab and happy. Their home page reminded me of one more thing I like to do: Salmon. I really enjoy salmon but fish is so expensive! I didn't even know how to cook it when I got my hands on some. Ultimately, I slapped some salmon on an aluminium foil-covered pan, salted and peppered them, and threw them in the oven at around 300 degrees, then waited to take them out until they were nice and flaky. Salmon is so flavorful it doesn't require much more than that salt and pepper, but feel free to try other things with it too, like my personal favorite, straight mustard. It also goes great with some steamed veggies, and then you also feel really good about yourself for eating veggies! Woohoo!

Before I get to desserts, I want to add a couple of my favorite snacks/lunch recipes. I love, love, love cottage cheese and tomatoes. Yum-E. There's a lot of wiggle room here, too. You could add cucumbers, carrots, eat it in lettuce, really anything which tickles your fancy. It's simple and great, and one of my all-time favorite quick munchies. Then there's these Ranch Oyster Crackers which are joyously delicious. I love to make a batch then eat some here and there when I want something salty or quick.

As for desserts, the hubbs and I love these Brownies from How to Cook Like Your Grandmother. They're simple and fast, totally tasty, and you probably already have most of the ingredients on-hand! They're dangerous, to be sure. I also love what I affectionately call Reindeer Balls, or Oreo Truffles. I've never actually used a "recipe," as my dad taught me how to make them, but this recipe covers your basics. I am a mint fanatic, so I like to substitute the regular oreos for mint oreos, and the baker's chocolate for mint chips, and they turn out fantastic. They're really easy, and oh-so-yummy.

There you have it! Some of my favorite recipes, most of which came from Pinterest. Speaking of which, if you'd like to follow me, click here! I would be giddy to have new followers. In particular, I have a board called Tested/Reviewed Recipes where you can read my reviews of each new recipe I try! As a special incentive, if you find a recipe you'd like to try but you're a little scared, let me know. I'd be glad to try something out for you, and I'm sure the hubster would love a new recipe for a good home-cooked meal!

Thanks, Mme Black! This was quite a fun question to answer. I'll get to your second one in no time!

Sincerely,
Lora.

Perspective

This post does not come from my musings, or a question I received. Rather, I found it on a friend's page and thought it contained some wonderful and humbling lessons. I felt something similar when dealing with our daughter's diagnosis (my experiences with her can be read here), although I can only imagine what she has been going through facing this particular experience. Please read and keep this family in your prayers, as her husband has since passed away.

"Before I share Jordon's latest update, I hope you won't mind if I indulge a little bit. Lately, a matter has weighed heavily on my mind. I believe in faith and trusting in the Lord's will, but I struggled with knowing if my faith in the Lord's will and what I hoped/believed to happen actually aligned with the Lord's will. As many of you know, my sweetheart was diagnosed with an aggressive form of brain cancer shortly after our marriage five years ago.

His diagnosis came as a result of a grand-mal seizure, caused by a massive brain tumor. While the EMTs worked to save my sweet husband's life and stop the seizure, I went into a back bedroom and poured my heart out to the Lord. I was scared and didn't know what was wrong, but I knew that whatever it was, it was very serious. I also knew that I was not strong enough to carry this burden and concern, whatever it would turn out to be, on my own.

I asked the Lord to help me through whatever journey was ahead, and to give me peace. As I prayed and turned my concerns over to the Lord, I felt a warm peace wash over me and the enormous weight of worry was lifted from my shoulders. The spirit whispered to my heart that all would be well, that my sweetheart would be okay, Heavenly Father knew exactly what He was doing.

As I followed the ambulance to the hospital, I continued to pray for my sweetheart, and was again reassured that all would be well. When the emergency room physician showed me the cause of the seizure (a tumor the size of a grown man's fist), and explained the gravity of the situation, I began to panic and fear begin to rise, but was again calmed by a sweet peace that all would be well, it was in the Lord's hands. As the days and months, and years passed, I relied heavily on those feelings of peace and the promise that all would be well.

I have often thought of that night over the past 5 years, as we have experienced the highs and extreme lows that accompany a loved one battling cancer. I have been reassured many times that my sweet husband would be fine, and all was well. My simple, mortal mind clung to the reassuring phrase that "all would be well", my husband would be okay, while doctors and science blatantly pointed that my husband was not well, and all was not okay.

It is almost comical how mortal minds cling to finite thoughts, instead of infinite possibilities. With my simple mind, I at one point believed that the promise that all would be well meant that my husband would be magically cured of his cancer, and while he has indisputably proved the doctor's wrong time and time again, there has yet to be a miraculous curing take place within his body. He still continues to battle cancer, yet I knew, and still know, that all will be well, it is in the Lord's hands.

God, in his wonderful and infinite wisdom, has blessed man with a glorious and wonderfully powerful imagination. It is that imagination that allows us to dream, hope, plan, and achieve what science deems impossible. Out of imagination, incredible discoveries, inventions, and technological advances have been born, in spite of the world saying it can't be done. It is that imagination that allows us to hope for the impossible.

Just as our imagination has the ability to dream the impossible, our imagination also has the ability to vividly imagine worse-case and faith debilitating "what-if" scenarios. Satan knows the power of the imagination, and, if we are not careful, will lead it to run wild with the negativity.

In a moment of mortal weakness, I gave into the "what-if" thoughts and allowed Satan to run rampant with my imagination of doom and gloom. On that particular day, my husband's doctor had been quite candid regarding my husband's statistics and chances. Instead of relying on the knowledge that all would be well, my mind dwelled on statistics scientific "knowledge", and phrases from the doctors that all was not well, at least according to science. I immediately conjured up worst case scenarios in my head and began to spiral into a pool of doubt, grief, and self-pity. In those moments, I gained a better understanding of what the mists of darkness may have been like, the hopelessness swirling around me. The uncontrollable spiral was terrifying and something I don't ever want to feel again.

By divine intervention, in my mind flashed a glimmer of my faith and my hope, my Savior kneeling in Gethsemane suffering exactly what I was suffering mentally and emotionally so he would know how to help me, Wendi Mott, at that VERY instance. Once my mind and heart grasped that light, that iron rod, I clung to it, and it only grew brighter in my heart until I was overwhelmingly filled with peace and a knowledge of my Savior's love, our Father in Heaven's love, for both me and my sweet husband. I allowed it to change my heart, and my mind again began to imagine the wonderful and impossible, rather than the negative. I also came to realize that what I had hoped for from the beginning was that the Lord's will be done, whatever it may be. The very thought now, brings a sweet sensation of peace and understanding of what my spirit has clung to the entire time, even in spite of my body and brain flittering to thoughts of scientific reason.

That night too, plays over in my head. I have a testimony of God's love. I have faith in our Heavenly Father's will and plans for us. I have faith that we will and currently are witnessing miracles in our lives, and my sweetheart is a miracle, a daily witness of God's love for me.

With all of that being said, I would like to share Jordon's latest status update. His doctor's finally were able to come and talk with us regarding the results of his MRI. The MRI showed continuing slow growth, nothing drastic, however the news that followed shortly was drastic. Jordon's oncologist has decided to stop all chemotherapy treatment and is arranging for hospice. The OKN-007 was the last effort, medically possible.

Please don't think me naive, depressed or in denial, but when I heard those words, I did not cry, as one might expect. I admit I became extremely angry. Not anger at God, but more toward the very unattached, almost cold way, Jordon’s doctor had delivered the news. However, I cannot judge that man. Every week, if not daily, he has to deliver very hard news, and in his effort to cope and protect himself from extreme emotional turmoil he is constantly subject to, he has to be very matter of fact, very black and white. At some point between letting the words sick in, and my feelings of anger coming and going, I again had the reassuring peace fill my being: God is fully aware of what is going on, all will be well. Jordon has a purpose on this earth and a special mission to fulfill.

I firmly believe that each of us have a mission here on the earth, some have very long missions, others very short. I also know that only God knows when our mission is complete. Upon hearing the doctors words, a very powerful phrase came to my mind; a very wise man once said, "Cancer is not a death sentence, rather an opportunity to view life from a different perspective". That wise man was my dear father, whose cancer battle ended almost 2 years ago. Just as Cancer is not a death sentence, so too was Dr. Colman's declaration of stopping treatment. This is not a death sentence. It is an opportunity, a gift from the Lord to grow and gain understanding and eternal insight from a different, albeit sometimes painful, perspective. Who are we, as mere mortals to immediately declare death sentences? That power alone lies with our Supreme Father in Heaven.

I invite you to participate in this new perspective that Jordon and I have been blessed with. I invite you to pray for inspiration in what lessons are to be learned. I also invite you to fast and pray this Sunday with sincere heart that our Heavenly Father's will be done. That we may all be wonderful instruments in the hands of an infinitely kind and loving Father in Heaven, who has allowed for us to climb this mountain, and the glorious perspective and view we will have from the top.

I know very matter-of-factly that our merciful and all-powerful Father could have easily moved this spiritual mountain, as was done with physical mountains in Biblical stories. I am humbled and grateful, however, that our loving Father knew the opportunities for growth and understanding this mountain would provide. We love you all, and again, thank you for allowing me to indulge tonight. My heart was overflowing, and I wanted to share a little of my learning with this perspective."

Qualifications?

Some of  you may be thinking "What does Lora really have to offer?" or "What could a woman barely into her 20's possibly know which would help me?" I understand your dilemma. In fact, I ask myself similar questions every time I consider the fact that I am among the youngest, if not the youngest, people in my ward's Relief Society, yet I teach every third week of the month.

Basically, I know nothing, and I am convinced more and more of that every time I "learn" something. The world is a vast, confusing place and when you place what I am sure of next to what I have no clue about next to each other, there is really no comparison. However, I do offer several desirable traits.

Among these traits is my tendency toward research. In fact, I often over-research things, especially if they have to do with my health, faith, or the well-being of those I love. I am a firm believer that there are always two sides of each story, and I make the best effort possible to know what those are. I believe people are generally good, and generally reasonable, but there are always exceptions. I am diligent in my studies, especially if I am passionate about them, and strongly dislike feeling I haven't done everything I can to understand something of importance.

I met my husband online, at LDSPlanet.com. You can read that whole story here. The hubbs has a daughter from his first marriage, Onnamaria Sophia, who was born July 6, 2010. She is alive and well, living with her mother in southern Iowa. We see her one Sunday a month. She also has an older half-brother.

I have a daughter, Sophia Grace (not named after her half-sister), who was born with a neural tube defect called Anencephaly. Our experience with her is chronicled on my other blog, Dear Sophia;;. She was born 1:30pm September 19, 2012, and lived - shockingly - until 3:59am on September 24, 2012. She cried only a handful of times, only barely opened her eyes, and needed to be held constantly so she could breathe easily. Subsequently, I have only about 4.5 days of parenting experience, but she was an amazing little baby and required little effort. Also, I had a lot of help.

For about three months now, the hubby and I have been trying to conceive. Currently (and this is a treat for only people who are reading this blog!) my period is five days late. I had extremely light spotting several days before my period was due, but it tapered off and has been stopped altogether now for three or four days. I have typical (and increasing) pregnancy symptoms, but no positive test as of yet. Prayers would be appreciated for both a healthy pregnancy and a baby who is whole! We greatly desire to actively be parents!

Speaking of young ones, I have a dirty little secret: I'm not a fan of children. They're loud, smelly, have a penchant for stickiness and short attention spans, and we plain just don't really get along (so it totally makes sense that I want to make my own, right? Yeah.) I try, though. I'm one of those people who will smile or wave at your baby and they'll look at me like I have two heads or just pointed a gun at them. However, if your baby is one of those rare angels who actually like me, please hand them over. We'll get along just fine.

As far as schooling is concerned, I moved a lot during my primary to high school days. I'm not even sure how many schools I attended, but I can certainly say I empathize with the position of "New Kid." I graduated from a small school in Missouri which I only attended the last semester of my senior year but I made a few good friends (which is good, considering my graduating class was only 13 students, as compared to the high school I attended before that, which was 500+.) I graduated at the top of my class, though without any distinction (moving around tends to make that happen) and generally enjoyed school.

After high school, I attended Brigham Young University - Idaho (which, as I like to emphasize, was my choice because I was actually accepted to Brigham Young University) for two semesters. I LOVED it there, and even registered for a third semester, but met my handsome husband on Summer break and decided to suspend my education in favor of marriage and staying close to his daughter. I still think it'd be mighty swell to re-enroll, and have been considering the Pathways program, which is an amazing opportunity the LDS Church offers members to complete their education online through BYU-Idaho at a reduced rate.

I love to sing, crochet, paint, occasionally dance (but considering the pallor of my skin, I didn't have much of a prayer in that department - I kid, I kid), write, cook, bake, and be goofy with the hubster. I have read the Book of Mormon in its entirety only once, but I am working on a second time, and am currently in the process of reading the entire Bible (this, of course, is not to say I haven't studied them, but I'm talking front-to-back, no jumping around.)

I have lived in Washington, Idaho (for school), Pennsylvania, Texas, Nevada, Iowa, and currently reside in Missouri. I think California is gorgeous (particularly San Francisco), and I'd love to visit Mexico someday. I love and have three gorgeous, sibling cats. The hubbs loves dogs, so we have two cocker spaniels. The younger one regularly drives me crazy. I'm not a fan of puppies. Kittens, however, I will take by the truckload (although we are currently at capacity, so please don't offer me yours... I might not be able to resist.)

So that's my history. I try to be as honest as possible without being inconsiderate. I have a tendency to be sarcastic, and find dry humor to be hilarious. I am not above laughing at a toot, ill-placed burp, or inopportune cellphone disruption.  Basically, I have a lot of time on my hands, and would love to fill it with blog posts answering your questions. I may not know everything, but I try my best to be sincere and if I don't know something, I will attempt a suitable answer or point you in the right direction. Please feel free to inundate me with questions, no matter how small or seemingly insignificant.

Sincerely,
Lora.

Favorite Books

First, I must apologize. I've been a bit preoccupied with the whole trying-to-conceive thing and haven't done anything "Ask Lora" related. (No news yet - or rather, no news I can report publicly.) Don't maim me!

Now, for the third question from "Anonymous," as I have yet to research their fourth question.

"What is your favorite book of scripture and why? And what about your favorite non-scriptural book?"

Well, Anonymous, that's a question I'll answer with a story. One year at Girl's Camp, there was a theme which had something to do with flags - maybe ships? I dunno, but it's not important. Anyway, we ended up decorating our own flags. They were supposed to represent us through our favorite colors, sayings, scriptures, etc. I believe I was in the Stake camp that year, so I had quite a bit of time to decorate my flag. 

While my friend and I were rifling through our scriptures, looking for our favorites, it occurred to me that I wasn't really sure what to pick. As I searched, I would exclaim one book was really great, then the next. After a while, my friend would roll her eyes and say something along the lines of "Let me guess. It's your favorite."

I couldn't help it! They were all so good! That said, I've always gravitated toward the book of Enos. I've just always been touched how a man could have faith enough to get down on his knees and pray his heart out, enough to have his sins forgiven. Then he prays for other people. What a guy!

Past that, I wouldn't say I have a particular favorite book. Something I've always believed is that all parts of the scriptures are for us at some time or another. I might like a particular scripture a little more for a while because it's the one which fits my current situation, but even that changes. A scripture I've liked for a while is 1 Corinthians 10:13:

"There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it."

I don't know about you, but I regularly mess up, and it's nice to know I'm not alone. Not only is my particular mistake not completely unheard of, someone else has also made it! Oh, humanity. Then there's the part about how the Lord doesn't allow you to be tempted more than you are able to bear. In other words, you will always have the strength to resist and/or recover from the temptations which vex you. That gives me such great hope!!

The second part of Anonymous's question references non-scriptural books, mainly my favorite one. I think my favorite book would have to be "Reflections of a Scientist" by Henry B. Eyring Sr. I'm that weird girl who actually enjoys assigned readings (when they're not ridiculous like The Grapes of Wrath, which I loathe - in fact, I wrote a paper during high school on how I hated that book and wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, although it was excellently composed. Yeah, I got full marks for that gem.)

Anyway, this was an assigned reading for my Science Foundations class (which I also enjoyed - I know, I'm sick in the head.) It's about how Henry Eyring, as a scientist, closes the gap between his faith and science. Really, it was eye-opening for me. I would consider finding this book well within the top ten best things which happened to me because of my year of college, and would heartily recommend it to anyone who finds reconciling an interest in science and their faith in God difficult.

I have yet to procure my own copy, but I thoroughly intend to do so. Thanks for renewing my desire to do so!

As always, feel free to send your questions so ask.lora@yahoo.com. I'll respond post-haste!

Sincerely,

Lora.

Why Did We Have to Move??

I'm getting sleepy, so I'm going to answer one of Anonymous's less-involved questions. The question is:

"Why would you move to another city when Cameron is so awesome and we miss you?"

Oh, Anonymous, you make me smile! We moved to have a place to call our own, and this is where the house was! As much as I love being able to spend time with my family - especially my mother - a married woman needs some alone time with her spouse, and a space she has control over! I think you understand those things, though.

We actually like it here. Believe it or not, we save money by living away from the grocery store and yummy places to eat! I will say we didn't pick Plattsburg on purpose, though. In fact, we had actually considered staying with my mother simply because we loved being in the Cameron ward so much, but, in the end, having our own space won out. I would also like to add that Hubby and I miss you too, and wish we could have gotten a couple more game nights in before we had to be all terrible and move away! You may have noticed, but we haven't actually been great about staying completely away. *winky face* Maybe we can work something out in the near future?

Sincerely,
Lora.

The Word of Wisdom

Imagine me jumping for joy, because I am! More lovely questions to answer from another lovely friend, Anonymous. First off, we have:

"Why do Mormons eat so unhealthily when we have a strict dietary code?"

Seriously! I mean, I can't say I'm not in the same boat, but that's something I've been thinking of as of late. I have a particular friend from Iowa who is vegan (she says "raw vegan," although I don't know if that's an important distinction or not.) Regardless of her motivations for being vegan, I'm sure she has found many benefits to eating all kinds of fruits and vegetables as opposed to copious amounts of over-processed, chemically-altered meat. Now, lets get one thing clear: I will never, ever go vegan, vegetarian, pescatarian, or any sort of variation of the aforementioned diets. I do see how they could potentially benefit an individual in general, although I don't believe things need to be that strict.

But that's beside the point. As Anonymous mentioned, members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints have a "strict dietary code," (known as the "Word of Wisdom") which is outlined nicely in Doctrine and Covenants 89 (click the link if you'd like a gander.)

Here's a summary:

Verses 1-4 are the introduction. Basically, it says this is for everyone as the "will of God," and a warning.

Verses 5-9 deal with what we are instructed to not put into our bodies. These are things like wine, "strong drink" a.k.a. alcohol, tobacco, and "hot drinks." It also offers up alternate and appropriate uses for a couple of those things, such as using tobacco as "an herb for bruises and all sick cattle, to be used with judgment and skill."

Verses 10-17 focus on what is good for our bodies: "wholesome herbs" in the "season thereof," as well as every fruit in their season, "flesh... of beasts and of the fowls of the air," grain, and "that which yieldeth fruit, whether in the ground or above the ground." We are, however, consistently warned to use everything with "prudence and thanksgiving," and it even goes so far as to say meat should be used "sparingly" and "only in times of winter or of cold, or famine."

Verses 18-21 outline all the blessings we get for keeping faithful to these guidelines, such as "wisdom and great treasures of knowledge" and "run and not be weary... walk and not faint."

Great! So... where does the green jello fit in? How about the cookies and all the other sweets typical of an LDS gathering? Yikes! The question stands: If we, faithful members of the LDS church, have these guidelines available to us, why is it that they aren't always observed?

I believe, to an extent, that people are actually pretty good about the guidelines. Where we get caught up is in the whole "prudence" and "sparingly" parts. When it says different foods should be used with "thanksgiving," it is NOT referring to the holiday where you stuff yourself silly. Think more along the lines of desperately wanting a chocolate bar, and how grateful you would be if someone showed up with the last one you would have for a while.... not that chocolate is necessarily great for you either.

Then there's the part about meat which specifies "only in times of winter or of cold, or famine." We're definitely not going through a famine, but it is winter and pretty cold so... we're good, right? Well, keeping in mind this is all my personal opinion, I believe the part where we need to focus our attention is again on the word "sparingly." Unfortunately for those who love their meat, even if studies had not shown that an abundance of it isn't very good for you, those are the instructions we've been given. No, I do not think it is a sin to throw some hamburger in with your pasta during the spring and summer months. I do, however, think having meat every day should be avoided, and, when you do partake of it, there should be a balance of fruits and vegetables with it. Generally, according to the Word of Wisdom, it is best to receive sustenance from fruits, vegetables, grains, and herbs.

Where's the disconnect? Food is good... really good. The world teaches us to enjoy, and enjoy as much as we want. (Did anyone else just think "eat, drink, and be merry?") Sometimes you take a bite of something and all you want to do is stuff your face with it for the rest of eternity, but that's not what life is about. Our life here is about building on our character and learning to be the best versions of ourselves possible. Those versions of us don't pig out all the time - they have self control, and make wise decisions about what they put in their bodies. It's so easy to allow food, which is a natural part of life, to consume more than its fair share of concern. No, I'm not going to say it's a sin to have dessert every now and then. The key is to be reasonable. Only by carefully monitoring what it put in our bodies can we reap the amazing benefits we have been promised at the end of the Word of Wisdom.

Don't go alerting your Bishops you have been breaking the Word of Wisdom at all the ward holiday celebrations. Do make a conscious effort to improve the quality and restrict the quantity of food which goes into your body and the bodies of those whom you provide for, realizing that even your occasional candy bar brings consequences.

Sincerely,
Lora.

Childbearing Sensitivity

I love my friends. I love them a zillion times more when they ask me questions. This question comes from a wonderful young woman who has one of the most adorable little babies I've ever laid eyes on. I know she has friends who have been attempting to conceive for varying lengths of time, and I also know it can be difficult to balance sensitivity toward those who are struggling in that department, and excitement over your precious miracle. Thus, she has posed the following question:

"How can couples who have children be sensitive and supportive to couples who have not had children yet but are trying?"

Wow. Before beginning, I will mention that I am in the unique position of both having a child whilst not having a child, and trying to conceive. Please keep in mind that this is the mindset and level of experience from which my answer comes.

Imagine, please, that you and your husband have decided you want to add a baby to your budding family. At first, it's all fun and giggles. You think something along the lines of 'It can't be that hard to get a baby if a bunch of random people who don't even want kids can do it on accident.' Then a month passes. Two. Then it's three or four, and, if you haven't been crying about your cycle before, now you are. Maybe there's a month where your cycle comes late, or you feel those tell-tale pregnancy signs, only to be let down again when your cycle suddenly decides to show. It feels like a cruel joke. You might even start to wonder if you and your spouse are even capable of conceiving together, and what if you're the problem?

Putting it frankly, trying to conceive sucks. Once you do conceive, no matter how long it took you, you become one of the "others" to those who are still trying. We love you, and we desperately try to support and be happy for you, but you have what we want. For those who are continuing to face that harsh red feeling of failure each month, even looking at you can be painful. The same goes for pictures of your adorable baby bump or your new bundle of joy. It gets even more difficult when you delve into the area of those who have lost a child, whether through miscarriage or otherwise, because we keep track. We may not always talk about it, but our loss doesn't fully leave our minds, and your success only reminds us of it. We see your however-old baby, and think about how our child might have compared at that same age. We see what we're missing, and yearn to have it for ourselves.

This is one of those circumstances where the cliche "It's not you, it's me" really does hold true. For those who have or are expecting children, please believe me when I say you did absolutely nothing wrong. Deep, deep down we are extremely happy for you, and admire your little ones. We want to hold and cuddle them... and take them home, and call them ours. There's the problem.

Here's where it gets tricky: everyone is different. For me, I struggle every week in church because there's a little girl only a week younger than my daughter would be. I see her in cute outfits, see her mother holding her and walking around with her, and see other people getting to love on her cute little self too. However, I have yet to approach them, and often find myself avoiding them (and eye contact) whatsoever. I have no problem with mother or baby - they just bring up painful memories for me. The first time I saw a dear friend's baby girl, I emotionally couldn't hold her, and ended up crying on the way home. (I now wish to hold her, though, and can't wait to see them again!) I have less of an aversion to baby boys, probably because my little one was a girl. For another friend of mine who has had trouble carrying to term, she struggles with seeing pregnant women in general. It just depends.

The best suggestion I can come up with would be to talk to your friends who are trying to conceive. They will most likely appreciate your concern, and let you know where their personal sensitivities lie. Offer to let them hold your baby, if that's something which will make them feel good. Let them know you love them. Pray for them and their future children. Initiate contact, because it may be difficult for them to do so. If you have happy baby news or excitement to share in a group where they are present, make an effort to talk to them individually, perhaps even ahead of time.

Most of all, though, enjoy your baby. There's very little more annoying than wanting a child more than anything, and seeing others who don't appreciate what they've been given. It's okay to post pictures and talk about exciting benchmarks your child has reached. When you're up late at night, dead-tired and annoyed you have to change their diaper, keep in mind that there are people all around you who would gladly do your job.  If you're already concerned about being sensitive to those who are trying to conceive, you're already on the right track.

Remember: We love you, and we want you to succeed. Please help us remain close to you, regardless of our struggles in childbearing.

Thanks again for a fabulous question! It was nice to talk about a topic which has been on my mind a lot as of late. Have any more suggestions? Feel free to add them in the comments!

Sincerely,
Lora.

Women in the LDS Church (With Videos at the End!)

I'm so excited! As of yesterday, I've officially received questions from a non-hubby source. Sure, both of them were from the same person, but I'll take it! (For the person who asked, they will be two separate blog posts so don't worry that I'm ignoring your second question!)

The question, which I will attempt to answer with as much clarity as possible, is:

"What is your opinion of how women are viewed and treated in the LDS church?"

Well, my darling friend, that's something I've often thought about, and something I'm sure many people looking into the Church struggle with. I've come to this conclusion:

The LDS church views women as sacred and immensely powerful beings.

At first glance, it appears this is not the case. Women are not allowed to hold the Priesthood, or officiate in ordinances relating to it. They are also not regarded as the "head" of the household, and there are many scriptures in the LDS cannon which state such things as "The head of the woman is the man;" (1 Corinthians 11:3) and "Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection." (1 Timothy 2:11)

We read in "The Family: A Proclamation to the World" (which will subsequently be referred to as "The Proclamation") that "Each [man or woman] is a beloved spirit son or daughter or heavenly parents, and, as such, each has a divine nature and destiny. Gender is an essential characteristic of individual premortal, mortal, and eternal identity and purpose." So, are we to deduce that a woman's "identity and purpose" is to be in subjection to a man; that we are to simply subject to a man's wishes and carry out his demands? I believe the answer is no.

The Lord did not mean women to be mindless, silent slaves, nor did He intend for them to be the "lesser" sex. Upon further inspection, you find this following the very verses which seem to prove the opposite point. 1 Corinthians 11:9-12 states:

"(9) Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.
(10) For this cause ought the woman to have power on her head because of the angels.
(11) Nevertheless neither is the man without the woman, neither the woman without the man, in the Lord.
(12) For as the woman is of the man, even so is the man also by the woman; but all things of God."

Take that in for a second. Reading verses 9 and 10, I almost started laughing. Woman was created to be for man, and needs power from angels to do it. Then comes the real kicker in verses 11 and 12: "neither is the man without the woman.... even so is the man also by the woman." So wait. If man is so awesome and just needed woman as slaves, why are they so important to man? The Hebrews weren't terribly important to the Egyptians - they just didn't want to do the work they were having them do.

The answer is God entrusted His greatest gift to man inside the woman. In the midst of all this talk of coverings and silence, you find the woman is not a dirty little secret, she is a beautiful treasure. 1 Corinthians 11:14-15 says:

"(14)Doth not even nature itself teach you, that, if a man have long hair, it is a shame unto him?
(15)But if a woman have long hair, it is a glory to her: for her hair is given her for a covering."

This is not to hide woman, people! This is to protect and sanctify her! Continuing in The Proclamation, it says "We declare the means by which mortal life is created to be divinely appointed. We affirm the sanctity of life (note that it doesn't say only a man's life) and of its importance in God's eternal plan. Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children." It goes on to quote Psalm 127:3, which states "children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward." Again, there is no specification that the man is more important to the Lord than the woman. In fact, I'd be surprised if you ever found something stating that. We are specifically counseled that it is our responsibility as both men and women to take care of each other and raise both our sons and daughters to the very best of our abilities.

Going on, we read that "Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities." These principles are not to be one-sided. Next, The Proclamation explains, "By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families.... [F]athers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners."

Yeah, you read that right. Not semi-equal partners; not as master and dutiful, silent servant; but as equal, 50/50, partners. Guys, this was only released 18 years ago. It stands - not as a new, reformed way of life - but as an explanation of what God says a family always should look like. In fact, there is a paragraph warning, rather blatantly, that abuse and/or violations of marital fidelity will not be tolerated. This, again, goes both ways.

I feel I have sufficiently beaten that topic with a very pokey stick. I will, however, add this disclaimer: I do not believe these standards are always maintained. Let me explain.

Regardless of the way the Lord sees us, women in the church very often feel like they are under-valued and overlooked. Why? Often, this is due to the simple differences between men and women. I love my husband dearly, but he can be forgetful, insensitive, and all kinds of pig-headed. It's a basic fact of life that men and women think and communicate differently so there is often a disconnect where, I believe, women feel lost. Then you must take social customs into consideration. There is a fine line between a man or woman appreciating the opposite sex for their talents and abilities - being friends, even - and getting way too close for comfort. This, compounded by the lack of adequate communication, creates a scale where, on one side, women feel under-appreciated, and on the other side, men and women can fall into compromising situations. I believe, rather than chancing the latter, most men tend to lean toward the former, leaving women to realize their infinite and divine potential through associating with other women (and they wonder why we travel in groups!)

It can all be a big, thorny mess, but I can't blame it all on men, either. The fact is, women are powerful. Amazingly so. Just ask my husband - whatever I put my mind to, it will get done. Putting aside the fact that we were created in the Lord's image (which means there is undoubtedly a Heavenly Mother as well!), I believe we were created to need each other. Man has the Priesthood, with which he is only able to bless those around him, not himself. Man was inherently created to take care of woman. Woman has the ability to grow children inside of her, for which she needs the man; and be right all the time (okay, maybe not that one.) We need each other. We cannot be without each other "in the Lord."

That said, I do think the Church has done fairly well to make women, as a whole, feel more like the goddesses they can become, and less like the servants the world would like them to be (which was a customary flaw, not an eternal one.) The creation of the Relief Society early on was a great step, then you have the Visiting Teaching program. Callings are another great source of encouragement. Women are becoming leaders and teachers in the Church, and becoming more and more empowered as they are encouraged by other men and women. Anything which makes us feel otherwise is not of God, and should be disregarded.

I very honestly believe that the Gospel as it pertains to women is perfect. God intends woman to be a miraculous gift, not a burden. It is society which has imposed cumbersome roles which hamper that divine potential, not the Church. It is important for women, especially those in the Church and those investigating the Church, to be thorough in educating themselves on the word of God, which clearly outlines how amazing and important we are. He loves us, and He has proven that over and over again. It is up to us to find these positive affirmations, and to fulfill our role beside our husbands, helping them as they travel with us through this crazy mess called mortality.

I hope that answers your question. I feel like I might have been a little long-winded, but that happens when I'm passionate about something! Thanks for the opportunity to answer such a marvelous question, friend!

Sincerely,
Lora.

EDIT: The Church website is down right now, but here's a video from a former church leader which supports the fact that women have many privileges and rights in the Church. Sweet!

To make this even better, here's another, more-recent video of one of the Apostles. I think even the title speaks for itself!